Don’t exist. Live.

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“Don’t exist.
Live.
Get out, explore.
Thrive.
Challenge authority. Challenge yourself.
Evolve.
Change forever.
Become who you say you always will. Keep moving. Don’t stop. Start the revolution. Become a freedom fighter. Become a superhero. Just because everyone doesn’t know your name doesn’t mean you dont matter.

Are you happy? Have you ever been happy? What have you done today to matter? Did you exist or did you live? How did you thrive?

Become a chameleon-fit in anywhere. Be a rockstar-stand out everywhere. Do nothing, do everything. Forget everything, remember everyone. Care, don’t just pretend to. Listen to everyone. Love everyone and nothing at the same time. Its impossible to be everything,but you can’t stop trying to do it all.

All I know is that I have no idea where I am right now. I feel like I am in training for something, making progress with every step I take. I fear standing still. It is my greatest weakness.

I talk big, but often don’t follow through. That’s my biggest problem. I don’t even know what to think right now. It’s about time I start to take a jump. Fuck starting to take. Just jump-over everything. Leap.
It’s time to be aggressive. You’ve started to speak your mind, now keep going with it, but not with the intention of sparking controversy or picking a germane fight. Get your gloves on, it’s time for rebirth. There IS no room for the nice guys in the history books.

THIS IS THE START OF A REVOLUTION. THE REVOLUTION IS YOUR LIFE. THE GOAL IS IMMORTALITY. LET’S LIVE, BABY. LET’S FEEL ALIVE AT ALL TIMES. TAKE NO PRISONERS. HOLD NO SOUL UNACCOUNTABLE, ESPECIALLY NOT YOUR OWN. IF SOMETHING DOESN’T HAPPEN, IT’S YOUR FAULT.

Make this moment your reckoning. Your head has been held under water for too long and now it is time to rise up and take your first true breath.

Do everything with exact calculation, nothing without meaning. Do not make careful your words, but make no excuses for what you say. Fuck em’ all. Set a goal for everyday and never be tired.”

― Brian Krans, A Constant Suicide

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Prayer for Grandma

It scares me sometimes to see how much time and age has caught up with you and has ebbed what was once a lucid mind and a strong, healthy body.

I hope one day I get to tell you, and that you will understand, that you are a great motivation in my life – that you taught me to be independent and resilient; that you embody selflessness and you have never shown me anything less than unconditional love.

And though you have lost the vitality you once had, I know that deep down you are the same person.

With forgetfulness, I pray that you forget the evil you’ve come across in this world, and the hurtful things people might say when they lose patience with you. I pray that every morning what you remember are the happy memories instead, and may they be motivation enough for you to cope with what you’re going through now. May God bless you with peace and stable health from this day on.

I pray that all of us who have been blessed by your love grow more patient, and never be frustrated by your condition because we understand that it’s not your choice. I pray that we too, will learn to love you unconditionally, as you’ve shown us and as God has loved us.

On… Happiness.

Kinda hastily written, I hope it makes sense.

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Again, I’m not saying drop what you’re doing now and just do the things that make you happy… just make time for everything! It could mean doing things one at a time, or dedicating an hour to unwinding after work. For me, it’s taking time to myself at night, when all have gone asleep and it’s quiet. It’s the only time I have to think, to prioritize or re-prioritize, or to send people that I cherish but haven’t had the time to keep in touch little notes.

It could also mean that if you find yourself dreading going to work every day, it could be time for a change.

(Oh ps. – If you’re an undergrad about to graduate, one thing that I really regret not doing is taking an epic grad trip. I thought I could do it later but you don’t really ever have the chance to enjoy not being tied down to school or work – please do it if you have the means to!)

One thing I’ve learnt that is really important to me now, is to –

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Thought it was good that this bunch of FYP students were lending an alternative voice to a world that often tells you to delay happiness for good grades or good salaries.

What have you been delaying? Make a pledge over at their website to make sure you’ll get started on it.

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hehe. i got a real board.

Like what they’re doing? Show some support by liking their Facebook page too 🙂 You can check out what other people have pledged to start doing now.

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Marina Abramović, “Rhythm 0,” 1974

Marina Abramović, “Rhythm 0,” 1974

Marina Abramović is best known for her performance pieces, in which she tries to explore what is possible for an artist to do in the name of art. Her best known piece was the recent “The Artist Is Present,” in which she sat motionless for 736.5 hours over the course of three months, inviting visitors to sit opposite her and make eye contact for as long as they wanted. So many people began spontaneously crying across from her that blogs and Facebook groups were set up for those people.

Her bravest piece, however, is my favorite. This piece was primarily a trust exercise, in which she told viewers she would not move for six hours no matter what they did to her. She placed 72 objects one could use in pleasing or destructive ways, ranging from flowers and a feather boa to a knife and a loaded pistol, on a table near her and invited the viewers to use them on her however they wanted.

Initially, Abramović said, viewers were peaceful and timid, but it escalated to violence quickly. “The experience I learned was that … if you leave decision to the public, you can be killed… I felt really violated: they cut my clothes, stuck rose thorns in my stomach, one person aimed the gun at my head, and another took it away. It created an aggressive atmosphere. After exactly 6 hours, as planned, I stood up and started walking toward the public. Everyone ran away, escaping an actual confrontation.

This piece revealed something terrible about humanity, similar to what Philip Zimbardo’s Stanford Prison Experiment or Stanley Milgram’s Obedience Experiment, both of which also proved how readily people will harm one another under unusual circumstances.

This performance showed just how easy it is to dehumanize a person who doesn’t fight back, and is particularly powerful because it defies what we think we know about ourselves. I’m certain the no one reading this believes the people around him/her capable of doing such things to another human being, but this performance proves otherwise.

This really got me thinking. Sad as it is it’s so true, and so common for people to push buttons, test the limits of others. If they realize that they don’t retaliate for some reason – often because they’re too weak to – they take advantage of the situation, at the expense of the other person. In Milgram’s experiment, participants were exposed to the sounds of the tortured and thus felt like they should stop – but in this case Abramović didn’t react to the pain or humiliation that was brought upon her.

That’s why they violated her.

What pops to mind? The nurse that ill-treated that elderly woman at the daycare. The rape of mentally-challenged girls. 

It makes me feel sick.

I hope none of you are like that.

John Mayer at 4am is bliss.

So many people ask why I don’t go to bed earlier.

I think the simple answer is I don’t want to. I enjoy being able to do what I want at my own pace, being alone with my thoughts, evaluating and re-evaluating stuff, appreciating finer things I might not have had the time to, doing work in silence. All this without having to worry about where I’m going, who I’m meeting, or being self conscious around others.

And when I’m done with all that I need to do and feel settled about myself, it’s then I can settle down and wake up to a new day with a new set of challenges.

 

What keeps you awake?

 

Lost Season 2

Nowadays more than ever I’ve been taking time off alone to think about things. What I want to do, what God’s will for me may be. How certain priorities need to be rearranged.

I am still so lost.

I’ve written about being lost before, in some post hidden in the recesses of this blog. But I think I’ve come to embrace the fact that not everyone knows what they want to do when they’re 24. And I’ve been telling myself that it’s okay.

There are so many questions – is the goal to make money? Am I supposed to find a job that I love doing, or grow to love a job?

I’ve spoken to so many adults and sadly I’ve been told that I have a problem if I don’t know what I want to do at this point of my life.

I’ve been told to settle for what I know, what I do well; and then they say, you’re still young. you have to go through this shit before you’re in a decision making position. Which is true. Does that mean that I have to be frustrated all the time till then?

I want it all… I want to do something meaningful, yet be able sustain myself; to have a job that i can grow in, where there are many things to learn, where i can be inspired. on the other hand, i want to focus on art, on teaching, on dance, on my family and relationships that matter.

Someone once told me that it’s possible to do everything, but I’ve learnt that it really isn’t. There are only 24hrs in a day and even if you don’t sleep certain things are going to be neglected.

So yes. Reality has struck. I’m going to take the first half of 2013 to explore all my interests in life and hopefully find something or someone that inspires me enough to build a career around.

If I can’t find that one thing, I’ll settle for the next best. By June 2013. (here I am making a pact to myself.)

Things have happened that have made me realize that you could sell your soul to a company and earn all the money that you want – but money will never mend a conscience or a broken heart or a broken relationship that was lost along the way.

I’ll be freelancing. So if you’re looking for a writer, dancer, illustrator, content strategist, an art and crafts teacher or an extra pair of hands in marketing, advertising, PR let me know. Oh. I would love to travel.

I told you, I have too many interests.

This post is unorganized and all over the place. I guess it really reflects my state of mind right now.

But trust me, if it’s my job to do something, I make sure I do it well.

Before it eats you up inside.

I should be telling you to take a step (or two) back and be the better person.

But I can’t bring myself to, because I’ve been in the same position – when a wave of emotions go crashing through your body and you’re just compelled to act on them.

For what are we but flawed humans? There are times we need to do stupid things as a form of catharsis, or to make mistakes so we can learn from them.

I think you might actually feel worse if you kept it in and bottled it up.

So go on, throw a fit, get confrontational, cry, scream, shout, get it out.