today, i woke up to find my grandma having a stroke, it scared the hell out of me.

it pained me to see her struggle to reach for a piece of bread, nearly knocking the plate over, then struggle to put it into her mouth.

she spent a good long time trying to put a key into the lock that kept her valuables safe. she probably knew she was going to be hospitalized and wanted to pass everything to me for safekeeping (paranoia – symptom of dementia)

while i tried my best to support her weight so that she didn’t fall down i realized, she was really not that heavy anymore.

my parents are in europe.

i didn’t know what to do in a situation like this. i did the only thing i knew how; i called my dad, trying my best not to choke up.

my brother and i sent her to the A&E unit.

it was a short wait that seemed long. we were called into the “family counseling room”. i wondered what bad news awaited. braced myself.

how long has it been, tell me how her situation was, did she wake up with the symptoms…

she was just fine yesterday. still rather paranoid and depressed, but still speaking and functioning fine.

it’s definitely a stroke, we’ve passed a window period where they could have administered drugs to reverse the symptoms. there might be complications.

she called us in – she didn’t want anyone else touching her jewelry. she repeatedly told me not to lose anything. i repeatedly assured her that i wouldn’t. she asked what the problem was. i couldn’t answer with my limited hokkien vocab. i wasn’t sure i wanted to tell her she had a stroke. and that there might be complications. and then i broke down and hugged her and told her i was very scared.

she told me, albeit bleary eyed, “ah ma eh ho ei”, your grandma’s going to get better.

today i stood by her while i could at the high dependency ward, (they didn’t have chairs) looking down at a troubled soul buried in skin and bones. she looked deflated. she used to be someone so robust and energetic. it’s always hard to see someone who’s taken care of you all your life, needing to be taken care of.

it’s hard to hear her telling us she’ll leave us soon.

it’s hard to think that in a few years she might not remember who i am anymore.

Pray that God helps her find some peace and rest in Him…

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About stooffi

my name is steph. i love cute fluffy things and dancing. my interests include advertising, public relations and internet marketing. i hate writing about myself.

3 thoughts on “

  1. Hey stoof,

    I got teary eyed reading the 2 entries about your grandma. I can’t find any words that can express the things I want to say to you adequately enough.. but perhaps, just that I’m probably in the same situation as you. My one and only grandma’s health is failing too. I’ll always remember how your grandma sewed your red dancetitude dress for you and how we went to your house and were super careful not to make too much noise lest we woke her up.

    In any case, stay strong. Life and death are part of life. I don’t know what else there is left for me to do for my grandma too because i need to get on with my life as well and I can’t be there for her 24/7. I know you’ll be a filial granddaughter to her. Okay, what I really wanted to say was, be strong for her.

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